Mental clutter/Commentary:

Hello, hello!

Good morning 🙂

When I went to bed last night, I thought I would wake up and write something titled – Postcards from my 21st Birthday. However, having woken up a little late, doing a v smol workout and making myself a really pretty breakfast, I think I do not want to share all of that on the Internet. This is a VERY adult trait – being so private – and I don’t know how I am feeling about it.

Anyhow, what do we talk about today then?

Well, before I did turn 21, I started writing a series called – “Unlearning at 21.”  This was my way of not doing the cliche “Today I turned 21. Here are 21 things I’ve learnt” kind of post.

Not the brightest cookie, I know.

But here goes.

1/ You can not show up as a work-in-progress.

We’re raised to be perfect.

Schools expect us to write one really good essay instead of attempting a hundred crappy ones. And that, I’ve realised, has hard-wired us into being perfectionists.

So do parents. They want the best for their kids. To be the best at what they do – painting, speaking, surfing, anything. Never have I heard a parent say, “Go, kid’s name, be average at activity. But have fun and learn. You’ll get better eventually. Or not. Either is fine.”

Now I am aware of the various socio-psychological reasons for that. But having been brought up like that, telling someone, “Oh, I don’t know this so well. I’m learning.” or “Could you help me out with this? I’m new” becomes REALLY hard. I’ve seen this in most people around it. 

Wouldn’t it mean I am incompetent? Why do others don’t ask for help but I have to? What will people think?

Hanging around on the Internet for the last 9 years, I have made friends with people just because we’re learning something together. Because we could be in the mess – together. Showing up anywhere as a work-in-progress – and not a picture-perfect somebody living on a pedestal – seems to help build better relationships. Do not ask me about the science – just a personal opinion/observation.

Nuance: Of course, you’ve to also be someone who truly is a Work-In-Progress. The work has to happen for the progress to continue. Don’t sit still. Don’t settle for mediocrity.

2/ Your ideas are precious. Gatekeep them.

I think this mindset of protecting your ideas from the world because(lest) someone could steal it steams from a place of insecurity. When you don’t trust the discipline and impact of your execution, you fear someone else could do it better. I have multiple lines of thought on this.

a. You can not cash in ideas: What this means is that you could have the best ideas on God’s green earth but if you are not acting on them, they are dirt. On the other hand, someone with a mostly-okay or slightly-okay idea, persistently acting on them will build larger things than you.

b. The world is mostly a nice place: We operate from a place of cynicism. Most people tell me this is more common in the Western world vs the other half. And I keep reading various socio-psychological explanations for it – all acknowledged, most accepted. But I think as a society, we’re in a more comfortable space to trust a stranger now – to be more open to the world, to throw ideas at the world and not have our bread stolen.

Also, not many people are THAT hardworking. Not every second person is out to build a marketplace for women speakers for better representation at conferences if I tell them about Draupadi on the Dais.

Also ii, so far – having broadcasted all my lamest and possibly billion-dollar ideas to the Internet all my life, I have not had anyone act on them. So I think we’re good.

c. Iss dosti ko collaboration mein badal dete hain: Remember the Diya-decor competitions we’d have back in school? Every kid would bring in the fanciest, prettiest, glitteriest sequins and jazz they could find. And while each of us would start individually, things would only get fun once we’d mixed and traded our sequins. That’s when the best Diyas would come out. No? Can’t we do the same for our great, grand projects?

d. Let SOMEBODY help the world:

This is a super personal opinion which goes to say I have not borrowed this thinking from a famous or non-famous self-help/business book. And also I feel slightly uncomfortable putting it out on the Internet.

Maybe you come up with a solution for some problem. Now, your circumstances do not allow you to work on it – whatever the obstacle. (Ideally, I’d think one could figure out some collaborative way of doing it with someone else but say that can not happen as well) But since you have an idea that could potentially solve something crucial for the world – wouldn’t you rather be sharing it with someone who could execute it + leave the world a better place?

3/ They are talking crap about me the moment I leave the room.

I don’t think about this too deeply – because frankly, I am embarrassed to admit I feel this way. That whenever I walk out of a room, people sigh in relief and talk about how stupid I am.

One, this is too self-centred and I find that funny.

Two, this is too anti-AK when I keep telling the world I believe I am practically God’s greatest blessing to the world. And when a few dear people tell me that my confidence + comfort with myself inspires them to fully embrace who they are, I feel slightly burdened with an obligation to live with insane confidence at all times.

(I feel anxious and uncomfortable as I type this lol – too much confrontation)

My way around this anxiety is:

One, only be at tables I am invited to.

Two, trust that I bring value there.

Of course, this comes after a lot of self-work and mental reframing. I am learning to acknowledge and believe in my values.

Sid asked me, Where does this stem from?

Truth is – I don’t know today. I am so scared of confronting and accepting this that I never sat with this thought to wonder.

4/ If you want to do more work, cut down on sleep.

A thought and an idea I’ve been wanting to talk about has been that getting a lot done done in the day doesn’t mean you sleep less. What matters is what you do in the time you’re awake. So, if you want to run a YouTube channel or learn how to bake Focaccia, the answer doesn’t lie in sleeping less and having Koala eyes. It is in being mindful of what you do in the time you are awake. Dissociating in front of the TV? That has to stop.

I first came across this idea around 2017 when I was diligently consuming Gary Vee’s content. I don’t know if this counts as a profound realisation or if it is common knowledge, but I remember experiencing tectonic shifts in my mind.

Have I been able to practice it, however? No.

And like all smart and honest people would agree, having knowledge is no good unless you internalise it. So, I’ve been trying to do that lately. I’m a work-in-progress with it. Some days I fail, and some days I do okay. I’ll be fine.

5/ Growing up sucks.

As a kid, I have been often told – “These are the golden days of your life. Growing up really sucks. Live this to the fullest.”

While I never understood why, I believed what the adults said. That growing up means terrible, older-people-responsibilites and all that. For the most part, I internalised it. 19 or 20 years is just a taste of adulthood. And since all my life I was told it is supposed to feel crappy, I only saw the bad. This became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anyhow, I can confidently say that it has changed since I started hanging out with C4E.

Adulting sucks if you’re doing it wrong. If you’re mindlessly whiling it away, refusing to accept the fact that you have indeed grown-up – IT IS GOING TO FEEL LIKE AN ENDLESS HELL. Here’s how I think you do it right.

Step one: Take charge + responsibility for your life.

If you can read this + aren’t happy with your life today, it is your fault. So far, your life has played a great role in making you who you are, sure, but past a certain point, you need to take charge. All Ifs and Buts are fears and excuses holding you back.

But I don’t have the time. How much of it do you waste every day?

But I don’t have the money. Why can’t you figure out a way to make some?

But I don’t know how. Ask someone? G?OO??GLE??

Step two: Act intentionally.

Answer three things for me.

1. Where are you today? This is A.
2. Where do you want to be? This is B.
3. What’s the step-by-step, day-by-day plan to go from A to B? This is C.

C is how you need to spend every single day. Optimise your life for it. Any day you are lost, go back to your C. Intentionally. 

Step three: Stay at it.

Whatever you do – stay at it. Put blind trust in it for a while, things compound.

Call it discipline. Call it Atomic Habits. Call it compounding. Call it long-term thinking. Pop culture self-growth has different names. Whichever part of the Internet you hang out on, the trick is to trust your decisions.

Of course, you’ll be pulled in different, easier, sometimes even cowardly ways. You decide. But in my experience, determinacy always pays off.

Enough for today.

See you tomorrow?

AK!