Hello!

My eyes and cheeks and jaws and tongue and pre-frontal cortex feel CLENCHED right now. Mostly happens when I am upset, tired and feeling meh about myself. Right now, it’s a combination of all three.

Upset: Lost my glittery pouch + feeling mini-behind on something

Tired: Bad sleep I think

Feeling meh about myself: Tried writing something and it could not happen

One the meh bit, I tried a little. Asked for help. Got a possible solution. But dissociated on the Internet for 40 minutes instead of actually getting something done. And the more I whiled, the more it became apparent that I am trying to avoid it instead of trying to solve it. Self-feeding loop. Or whatever they call it.

So, I came back to my vegetative writing.

Status 2030 ad.

I promised I’d come back with answers and I tried but never put it out. It was too shabby. So here’s the worst (and quite disappointingly, only) draft of it.

“As promised, I thought a lot about why it didn’t sit right with me. If I am being honest, none of these reasons feel completely true or accurate. But a wise woman once taught me to never apologise for my state of being. So here goes.

I am talking about this video, in case,

A. Trusting an institute is hard.

Trusting an org like Apple is hard. Mostly because of it’s lack of transparency. When I don’t know what you’re doing all day and what you’re up to and when you seem to never make any mistakes, I know you’re too good to be true. So as someone who cares deeply about sustainable efforts by orgs, I find it difficult to believe that Apple truly cares about the planet. And sure, it’s not a feel-good hobby for them. It’s a business. But this little attempt felt knee-jerk, hasty, ingenuine. Just nah.

B. The tone is too dumbed down.

Now, there are two ways to look at it.

One. It was made REALLY simple, light-hearted and satirical to connect with the masses. And sure, I do not want the sustainability conversation to be gatekept and locked away only in serious, academic rooms.

Two. Do you really think your viewers are just sooooooooooo lame-o? (Or am I too smart?) When does comedy start to take away from the meat of the conversation? When does it become mockery. Or a hack to brand equity.

But anyhow, welcome to the conversation, Apple!

You know what would be really funny? If I changed the copy of Welcome IBM, Seriously to Welcome Apple, about time. Idk. Something like that. Tomorrow? Not sure if I should commit to it. Long day, I’ll be screwed.

C. The over-promising and the framing.

All these tall claims sound like great work for the world. But please don’t act like you’re the one uthao-ing the climate change bojh. Like, your two afforestation efforts will save us from the impending 2 degrees. Not fair, please.”

Here are two interesting pieces I read on this:

a/ https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/small-biz/sustainability/apples-climate-claims-deserve-scrutiny/articleshow/103650879.cms?from=mdr

b/ https://www.linkedin.com/posts/ashleigh-penrod_businessmodel-innovation-sustainability-activity-7109656312971497472-luBK?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_desktop

Also, side-note: Most of these thoughts came from talking to Prakruti. Everyone should talk to Prakruti. Help her find a designer <3

11:23 PM.

Today is a day that just does not add up. Or get better.

I mean it does get nice – and then it gets bad. Very rollercoaster and I’ve realised I can not keep my calm. Either really sad or really angry. Sangry – recipe for hurting people. So I isolate. And then it gets sangrier. And then, I keep missing friends. A friend. They’re busy or I’m busy. Which got me even more irritated. I mean – What’s the point of everything and anything if I can’t even spend a good time with my people? (See this tweet.)

I would love to rant about every little thing that went wrong but no. I’m a little more adult than that. (I will, however, give you a minute-by-minute account if you ask.)

Oh and I have a day off tomorrow. And then Sunday. I plan on doing nothing big. But I will have more cotrol with my time. I am excited about that. Obviously.

Hm. What else? What else?

• Today is when I am glad that days are only 24 hours. I could not take more of this.
• I would love to curl up against a bowl of Asian Wok and watch Gilmore Girls but I am doing healthy. Plus eyes. Plus I want to wake up early.
• Maybe I will go swim tomorrow?
• The day feels pretty WASTED. That’s okay? I don’t know.
• Healthy eating: Chia-something-smoothie, cold brew-hazelnut, 1.5 of a healthy wrap, egg bhurji, peanuts. And two choco-fills that I fed myself to feel nicer. No good.
• I want to talk to mummy right now. But she is probably asleep. And will also be worried if I wake her up. So, nah!
• Oh, I helped these psych kids (Mili and Supriya) with some hypothesis-conduction-memory test thing. I don’t know what it was but they did do a bunch of memory tests. One of them was: They’d say numbers and I’ll have to repeat after them. Starts with 17 and 297, goes on to 18937-8966. And then same thing, but I’ll have to reverse the order. There was more but this was the most fun. I did really well, they said. Should I feel like the Queen of the World? Mayeb tomorrow. Today I am just mashed potatoes.
• That’s it!

I will have a better, more interesting day tomorrow!

Love and a lollipop,

AK <3