I have to start with this: I have not written in so long, it’s not funny.

To start with, I missed out on the Stakeholder Report for May. I hate it. Is 21st June too late to report you of my May? I don’t think so. Tell me?

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Today I want to talk about the last few days. And any new thoughts that show up.

So, as most of the world might know, I was in Gorakhpur for June 1-10th. For some reason, I am never fully able to enjoy or make peace with my time there. In fact, I also wrote a long-ish rant that I shared with 40 of my closest friends – I know, I know. Here’s a tiny snippet to sum up this trip: “Every time after 16 I have come back here, I have truly detested it. What made it worthwhile was the same friends, kebab parathas, memories and stories and lored charm for this tiny town. But every time I leave, I wish for a life where I do not ever have to come back. Not to this.”

I’ve been back in Bombay for the last 10 days now and, I think, it was only on the 17th that I was able to get my life up to speed.

Oh anyhow, while coming back, I also spent a day-and-half in Delhi. Spent that time meeting fam, friends and fams of friends. It was honestly the sweetest time. For whatever reason, every person I met had gotten a gift for me. And it was literally the happiest thing ever. The point was not a gift, no. I have enough of things already. I could live with the things I own for the rest of my life. The point was thought. As a proxy for them really looking forward to spend time with me. If you know me, you know how that’s something I always struggle with. That no one really wants me around. I guess this one’s for the couch.

And most of these friends in Delhi were girls. Women, rather. Strong-headed, sharp, young women. And I truly loved being in their company. Talking about the tiniest things from our lives — figuring lives out, finding yourself, freedom, all that. And I wondered if our mums and families, at our ages, were having these chats. I don’t think so. And it was a good feeling. I’m terribly hopeful for young women of today. In their ability of being more equal in a man’s world. (I did want to air-quote the man’s world. But let’s be honest. It still; actually; very much is.) And I am aware that this hope only exists for a mere few. Which is okay. Guess you got to start somewhere. Anyhow, here’s to all my friends, and other young women around the world, doing things differently and finding their places — their undeniable places — in this wild, wild world.

So, Bombay. My flight to Bombay was greeted by the rains. Yes, very Bollywood. The charm only lasted till the baggage belts. Then, it was Hunger Games but Uber. In around the next three hours, I made it to Powai. Which was a mere 5 kms away. Because rains, no rickshaws or cabs, traffic. The usual. Oh, and yesterday, I got ready in the morning, stepped out, a sudden heavy pour of rain drenched me. Good thing is: Home is close and I can go find a new OOTD. But it was 30 minutes of absolute annoyance. Plus, the mucky roads. Plus, the absolute lack of sunshine, and thus, any joy. Do you see why I hate this weather so much?

I need to figure the rainy-day-gloomies at The Clubhouse. Put cosy, yellow lights. Get a diffuser, even though I can’t smell things. Got my speakers for the ambient rain-wind-crickets-chime kind of white noises. Lord, I sound so annoying. But, I hope you see the point. In rainy days, I want to create my non-water-marks-on-the-floor, non-humid, non-rain-like, super bright and cosy home. Fun fact: I have always hated rainy days and never had an idea how to fix that. It was only yesterday that I figured what I need. So, tiny win?

About today. I woke up at 6:20. I had announced on my WhatsApp groups that I’d be up and around at 6:00 AM. So, close. This is my Step 1 to fix my sleep schedule. I’ve been 3 AMs, followed by 9 AM mornings. Not a good look. Terrible rather. So, in the next few days, that should be in order. And I know the two things I need to for that:

1. Plan out my day in chunks and hours a day in advance
2. Be absolutely mindful of my time + energy wrt location/company

So, watch me.

Anyhow, all of that brings me here. Today. In this very moment as I am typing this. I have an empty table. A laptop and a Shiseido sunscreen. jkl. Trying out different kinds of SPF, UVA/UVB+++, formats (spray, gel, stick, etc) is my new favourite hobby. Maybe I should do an Instagram review. Okay back to my empty table, because I really like it. In an ideal world, there’s nothing on it. Just my laptop. Or my notebook. Or the one thing I am working on. Why you ask? So, one day I was home alone. Sitting at my desk in the dark. Eating a butter chicken roll. And a random thought came to me: This is all there is to life. Not the butter chicken wrap, but the laptop. The work. The doing. The craft. You come to this world. You do things. And you go. All the fancy cute things you gather, for your desk or otherwise in life, you never started with them. And you’d leave them all behind. So, it is only sensible to make space for that first. And then, the rest of the world.

As a reminder of this, I decided to keep my desks empty. Cute fancy things could be tucked away in a drawer. But the working desk has to be empty. That would be ideal. But there’s a Sheseido sunscreen on it today. For utility and convenience. Once I get my new table, it’ll be all empty again.

I look forward to that. Let’s see.