Go read Patol Babu

Today was an interesting day. I spent my time beating myself over not doing much today. But I did record some 10 reels for Decoding Draupadi, better Cerebral Quotient’s product and marketing efforts, spend some time on a few side projects, chat with a friend on the horrors of life after graduation, get brunch with a dear friend, get a sim card, read some blogs from friends and folks I admire, go out to play with my water guns, sleep in a little, oh — grab some tiramisu gelato, a little traffic fiasco and after this, spend some time chilling. And then, there’s work again.

And while on the face of it, this doesn’t look like much was accomplished on a day off; these are all things I want to fill my days and life with. And of course, the tip was more life than work today. But that’s all right. I should have worried less about not having an ideal day. And breathe a little. Enjoy the good stuff, instead of regretting it while it happened. Anyhow.

Here are a few things I thought about today.

One. On making video content.

I want to document more of my life on the Internet. Writing is one way. It’s not always east, but it’s pretty simple. And convenient. You get to sit in any part of the world, whip out your laptop and type your thoughts away. Plus, being the person that I am, my mind is always full of those.

Video, on the other hand, is different. It feels little inauthentic and bothersome to others if I keep recording things all the time. Especially when others do not like being on camera. For me, I can’t do scripts and things. But boy do I love talking about things from everyday life and build on random incidents inspiring a connecting thought. And plot a web of those in my mind. And for anyone who will listen.

Again, if you tell me these are all excuses, I will believe you. I have not tried enough times. I have not made 100 videos consistently on niche to begin complaining. And that’s my own rule. And also something Visakan put really well. I have not done my 100 things. I must not complain.

But there’s that mental barrier. I must find a solution.

Two. Everyone is scared to graduate.

Every week a friend calls me saying, “I am SO scared to graduate.” And you know what, I get it. But I also don’t.

The second you graduate, the expectation people have from you change. So do your own — which is often more unnerving. You want to stop taking rent from mum and dad. You want to earn yourself a life. You want to have fun. You want to live in a big city. You want to get salaries like X, Y and Z too. You want to spend your youth doing something worthwhile. Every single thing feels highly consequential. All that. Phew. Lord bless the hearts of graduating Class of 2025.

Colleges don’t speak to you about this stuff. And unless you go actively looking what fits you and your life, you will never really find anything. In the grand scheme of things, ignorance really is the biggest risk you run. And then, inaction.

This was the part I understand. What I can’t quite wrap my head around is this — you always had it coming. It was staring right at you. Living the “college life” is really some pop-culture myth, like most moments and memories these days. What did you do about it? And if you think you did quite a lot, why the hell would you not trust yourself? And go try make sense out of it?

In my sense, with the disclaimer of privilege + “lucky” accidents + being a woman of decent faculties, I think it’s alright. I’ve always been excited to graduate. To go see what I make out of life. From my lens, it really looks like a game to be played. Lots of goods and bads. Endless levels. FV once told someone, “Sabki life mein ek din hota hai jab wo khoon ke aansu rote hain.” I think that day has not come for me yet. But it will someday. And the morning after, I will be standing there. That’s true test of what you’ve made out of your life.

Until then, play around a little. Like Michelle Obama said in her book, “Swerve.” Fuck around, find out. And oh, go read Patol Babu.